I was just a kid when he left. I remember running into his room excited to visit. Leaping onto the bed where he lay watching tv. He was happy to see me, as always. But he moved slower than usual. My little gaze met his. And staring back at me was a mix of happiness and pain. His eyes were yellow. Tinged with the result of the disease that ravaged his liver. The disease that was about to cause his early demise. It's funny how even as a child, I looked back into those eyes and realized that something was not right with him. Quietly, I lay next to him. And we sat there for a while in silence. Watching tv.
I remeber not long after that day, people were arriving at the house one after the other. Family members that I rarely see. A pastor to come in for prayers. All of my immediate cousins along with their parents. My mom's siblings. We were all there. And then the ambulance arrived. They wheeled him out on a stretcher and took him off to the hospital. I stood there and watched them do so. My mom, my grandma, uncles and aunt. All of them around him. Following them as they took him. Another aunt. His brother's sister. She stayed behind to be with us as everyone else went to the hospital. My mom and dad included.
Soon we were off doing what we did best. We played. Laughing and having a great time as kids often and should do. Then there was a moment. I can't quite explain it. But I stopped playing. I did. I had no idea why exactly. But all I do know was there was an overwhelming sense of sadness that came over me. I knew something was different. Something was wrong.
And then the phone rang.
He was gone. My grandpa was gone. We all cried. Even before my Aunt came out to say anything to us. I cried. And cried. Even to think about it today. The memory I have is so vivid. I can see his eyes. I close my eyes and see his staring back at me. Filled with love and pain.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
hurling through space
man, the people you encounter daily. here I am in a rather large room. glass windows replace two paralell walls. and people are everywhere. to my extreme right, a woman who seems normal enough is sorta freaking me out. it's not her thick-rimmed brown faux-tortise shell glasses on her face. her teal overstretched workout top. and her about to bust the seams grey capris. it's her whole talking to herself. she's madly click claking onto a keyboard. lightly rocking back and forth. pounding away on those buttons like a disgruntled whomever preparing to send a nasty letter. mostly it's the talking to herself.
the thing of it is, she's leaning to the right and taking. then over to the left. like she's sandwiched inbetween two people I cannot see. who knows. maybe she sees something that I just cannot. or maybe she's flipped one too many switches. yep, that's it.
Just off to my upper left eyeview is a man in suit. A stark contrast to the babling woman meat in the invisible friend sammy. I can see his screen from here. And surprise surprise! He's on myspace. Like the rest of the world. For a guy in a suit he sure sports alot a facial scruff. and why would he be wearind dark shades in a super well lit room with tons of windows? It's a mystery. But man is he a focused myspacer. probally on facebook too. I'd go with 89%.
Oh and there's flannel vest man right in front of me. with the bald spot. what confuses me about FVM (flannel vest man) is that despite his bald spot he keeps the rest of his hair long with a slight curl on the end. He's hanging onto what little he's got let. Brave soul. And he's yahooing. A flannel vest would seem like an odd thing for most people to wear. (At least I hope so.) but it seems to make a comfortable home on FVM. Oh, hey guy, please don't scratch there.... yep. he did.
yesterday I had a visual encounter with Straw Hat Lady. she was completely outfitted in summer gear. small denim cutoff shorts. floral printed tank. and a huge floppy straw hat firmly crowned her head. I saw her scratch too. yup, in the no-no. And I think maybe she forgot where she was for a bit before she did it. I mean when I saw it, and after she did it, she saw me. And reality hit her hard. With a sideslap of shame.
the thing of it is, she's leaning to the right and taking. then over to the left. like she's sandwiched inbetween two people I cannot see. who knows. maybe she sees something that I just cannot. or maybe she's flipped one too many switches. yep, that's it.
Just off to my upper left eyeview is a man in suit. A stark contrast to the babling woman meat in the invisible friend sammy. I can see his screen from here. And surprise surprise! He's on myspace. Like the rest of the world. For a guy in a suit he sure sports alot a facial scruff. and why would he be wearind dark shades in a super well lit room with tons of windows? It's a mystery. But man is he a focused myspacer. probally on facebook too. I'd go with 89%.
Oh and there's flannel vest man right in front of me. with the bald spot. what confuses me about FVM (flannel vest man) is that despite his bald spot he keeps the rest of his hair long with a slight curl on the end. He's hanging onto what little he's got let. Brave soul. And he's yahooing. A flannel vest would seem like an odd thing for most people to wear. (At least I hope so.) but it seems to make a comfortable home on FVM. Oh, hey guy, please don't scratch there.... yep. he did.
yesterday I had a visual encounter with Straw Hat Lady. she was completely outfitted in summer gear. small denim cutoff shorts. floral printed tank. and a huge floppy straw hat firmly crowned her head. I saw her scratch too. yup, in the no-no. And I think maybe she forgot where she was for a bit before she did it. I mean when I saw it, and after she did it, she saw me. And reality hit her hard. With a sideslap of shame.
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